Hairy Virginian Woman Demands To Pay More In Grocery Tax

By Michelle Byrd, Tuesday, August 30, 2011, 11:32 p.m.

Lynchburg – After years of performing self-checkout at the grocery, Leif Ann Karit of Lynchburg, Va., marched up to the headquarters of Sexton Foods in Charlottesville, Va., last Friday and demanded that the company begin charging her more in taxes. “I’m out here today because I only feel that it’s right. If I’m going to do what basically equates to a job, then I need to be held accountable. You can’t just go out and get a job and not pay taxes in some way. My dad did that for years–under the table, I think they call it–and I never thought it was right when I seen him do it.”

Ms. Karit explained that often, in the early mornings, her local supermarket was hard-pressed to get any skilled cashiers to come in before 7 a.m. “Most of the people that work there are kids, and they’re out drinking until two or three a.m. Sometimes I see them sitting out in front of the grocery when I come in, and I think they never went to sleep. No one can run a cash register good on that little sleep.” The only thing she’s been left to do, she explained, is to perform self-checkout. “When I’ve got to get milk and depilatory items at 6 a.m., I’ve got to get’em. No other choice.”

Ms. Karit explained that the store could simply add more tax onto her bill and then send that money off to the state and federal government. She was asked to explain how this self-checkout could be considered a job when there is no pay. “Well, it’s just like a job at home. When it was my turn to sweep the house, my daddy used to say, ‘You got a job to do; now do it.’ No different from that.”

On Sunday, the store’s manager, Sue Lemon, was asked about Ms. Karit’s actions. She responded, “Ms. Karit does certainly come in every morning for her depilatory items, and often I will open up a lane expressly for her, but she insists on self-checkout anyway. I always thought she was embarrassed at the amount of razors she’s buying. Being a hairy woman is not really accepted in America and all.” In response to Ms. Karit’s idea that self-checkout is a job and should be taxed more, Mrs. Lemon stated, “Since she buys so much in razors and milk, I just figured she was hairy and lived with a bunch of cats or something and that she was crazy anyway. Her wanting to call self-checkout a job and get taxed is certifiably crazy, I believe.” Mrs. Lemon paused and then added, “I do still want to know if she has cats.”

Sexton Headquarter representatives were unavailable for comment.

There. ‘Tis my first attempt at satire 🙂

As long as they don’t stab me in the virtual heart, I love to read comments. Feel free to post!


2 responses

    • Yea! Good, because that’s what I was going for–
      I was inspired by an angry lady in the self-checkout the other day. As you can imagine, her wanting to pay any taxes is totally my invention because that was the last thing on her mind. Thanks for reading.

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